My name is Ruth and this is my blog. These pictures do not belong to me, unless stated otherwise.
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You’re welcome :) I know how much harder we have it because of our culture. Asian, religious background, old-fashioned family —I swear, it’s enough to make anyone closeted for life. It’s hard, but it’s worth it :)
Thank you ❤ your message was very uplifting :) I’m happy that I get the kind of support and encouragement from you guys that is otherwise very difficult to find elsewhere..
I said before that I wasn’t ready to come out to my parents because I didn’t want to hurt them in any way. I wasn’t ready for the possible drama and consequences that may come along with it. I was uncertain and scared and worried. I didn’t want to hurt them. I also didn’t want to get hurt. But I am happy to say now that I am finally out to my family.
It happened quite unexpectedly. I didn’t exactly wake up that morning deciding that it would be The Day. I had this imagination that my coming out would be a kind of chic affair where I take my mom out for coffee or something after we bond over shopping, and whilst sipping our overpriced drinks and feeling philosophical, I would launch into my confession and hope that she maintains her poise because I just took her out shopping and bought her coffee.
Instead it happened quite like this, while my girlfriend and I were sleeping, I awoke to sounds that alerted me that we weren’t alone in the house.
Now, my mom had made it perfectly clear to me that my girlfriend and I aren’t welcome to hang out in our house/my room, and that was even before she knew that there was something between me and my girlfriend. So I actually just invite my girlfriend over whenever the parents aren’t home, and they usually are gone during the weekends. We have the house to ourselves then.
So waking up to sounds that meant my parents were back so suddenly, when I thought they would be gone for the whole weekend, was a big OH SHIT moment.
Unfortunately, my room is literally smack dab in the middle of the house, which made sneaking in and out very difficult. I thought that since it was close to the back door it would be sneaking-out friendly, but it proved otherwise.
Fact: My mother designed the architecture of this house.
So sneaking my girlfriend out was out of the question, and she was freaking out because she didn’t want to face them. She had seen how my mom got angry before and it was something she was not excited to witness again. And yes, her unannounced presence was sure to bring some kind of conflict. So she was scared. I was scared.
So I tiptoed out to assess the situation, found my mother in her room and talked to her about my grandmother, who is sick. Our conversation led me to believe that my parents had no idea that I had someone over, and knowing well that I couldn’t miraculously send my girlfriend out undetected, I then began my Confession.
However I wished for the conversation to be hurt-free, of course it wasn’t. I knew I was saying things that she couldn’t accept. She was saying things that I find offensive. We would never agree. My mother is very religious, very Biblical, very old fashioned. And although she is actually an intelligent woman with a Master’s degree, she’s one of the most closed-minded people I have ever encountered.
We could debate the stand of the Bible when it comes to homosexuality for hours, but she will never be swayed. And neither will I. Our beliefs and principles would never meet. So there was no need to further aggravate each other over what we believe in because for her, she is right. And for me, I am right.
But one thing I am grateful for was that she said that she accepts me, but she doesn’t approve of what I’m doing —which is really a conflicting statement because who I am is what I’m doing. I guess what she meant was that she accepts me wholly as a person, label-less.
She made it clear that she won’t disown me or anything, but she since she doesn’t approve of this lifestyle, it would be better if I could carry on where she didn’t have to deal with it much. And I don’t blame her, because my mother is a minister with a Rev. attached to her name. And she takes all these as a poor reflection of her.
Although it hurts that I didn’t get that glorious coming out where my parents were proud and supportive, that she was disappointed instead, it was enough that she said that “love will always be there.”
And actually, that was all that mattered to me. If it’s too much for them to take, I wouldn’t require them to accept me and be happy for me or what. For now it’s enough to know that they still love me even though they can’t understand or support who I am.
We actually didn’t get to finish our discussion because it was getting kind of late and there was someplace else that my girlfriend and I had to be, so I admitted that yes, Yana is in my bedroom and that we’d be going. I’m grateful that my mother at least allowed us to have a quiet and graceful exit.
I feel so much better now that it’s out. My mom could stop trying to spy on me and collect evidences, which apparently she does, and I could stop lying and pretending. I guess the next step would be to prove that my relationship with my girlfriend is not detrimental to our lives, and yeah, I should probably move out because my mom deserves that certain peace of not having to make herself deal with something she’s having a hard time trying to process. But I still don’t have the funds to move out so that may take a while.
I’m also happy that it happened now while I’m with Yana, because everyone knows how much I love this girl. After everything that we have gone through together, I am determined to make this work this time. I know that no one could ever love me as much as she does. It’s been tried and tested.
I don’t expect my parents to be okay with it immediately. It may take time and I will give them that. But I am happy that while I’m blogging about this, I am in my bedroom, my parents are home, they know, and they still love me.